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Archive for the ‘If it happened in Philly’ Category

This will be an ongoing series that documents various outlandish fan behavior, and then compares how the story would be treated had it happened in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

In Game 1 of the NLDS last night, Arizona fans, who finally bought the last 16,000 seats to their game, got a little South Philly on the umps, who made a judgment call on a takeout slide during a double play. The crowd, no doubt angered by both the call and the $4 they played for Aquafina bottled tap water, began showering the field with plastic bottles. Rockies manager Clint Hurdle, whose face may or may not be made of clay, had to pull his team off the field.

So, what would the reaction be if this happened in Philly? Let’s guess:

  • Bob Ley wakes up with a swollen mound in his flannel PJs, knowing that he can once again dust off his “Have Philly Fans Gone Too Far?” episode of Outside the Lines. He calls his secretary, says he won’t be in today, and asks her to schedule a tee time and a facial. He promptly heads off to the dog track.
  • Frank Olivo, the famed Santa who was the target of Philadelphians’ snowballs so many moons ago, is contacted for interviews shot with an ultra soft-focus lens by ESPN, SI, and Lifetime. Frank, an Ocean City restaurant, parlays his reignited fame and heads to Atlantic City’s finest BYOB, Bare Exposure.
  • Over the course of 8 hours, the story of a few plastic water bottles being thrown on the field would morph into the entire 45,000 person crowd taking 40-ounce bottles of Mickey’s Malt Liquor and launching them, catapult-style, at players, with specific aim being taken at the players who either a) have young children and/or b) have expressed a devout Christian faith.
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